No, really. Greatest chocolate cake you've never had. Moist, fluffy, creamy. . . everything you don't want to be as a person
Playlist: Dustin Lynch/Red/Momma's House/Cowboys & Angels (anything by Dustin Lynch, he's freakin' awesome)
Ingredients: Cake
2 cups sugar
1 3/4 cups flour
3/4 cup Cocoa (unsweetened)
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
2 eggs
1 cup milk
1/2 cup peanut oil (can use vegetable oil, I like the peanut)
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 cup boiling water (what? Boiling?!)
Ingredients: Icing
3/4 cup (1 1/2 sticks) butter at room temperature (see a fucking theme with me & butter?)
1 cup HERSHEY'S Cocoa
4 1/2 cups powdered sugar
2/3 cup milk
1 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
Help me
Oven to 350
Pick your pan, this cake is great however you like it, or however your spouse is willing to take it. . . wayment, what are we talking about?
I prefer to throw some parchment paper into a jelly-roll pan, then cut it in half width-wise, and make a double layer sucker. I've been known to make a triple layer, depending on who it's for (triple for you icing lovers. . . Ashley). Anyways, the thicker your cake, the longer it takes. Keep that in mind.
In your KitchenAid (or a bowl with a hand mixer, because you're too fucking cheap) sift all your dry ingredients (if you forgot already because you're stupid, it's sugar, flour, cocoa, baking powder, baking soda & salt) together, and using a paddle-attachment with the rubber scrapper thing (or spatula that shit off the sides as add the wet ingredients)
Add your eggs, milk, vanilla & oil. Hey, look! Looks like perfect cake batter, right?
Time to scare the shit out of yourself. Ready? Add the boiling water.
"Holy shit, I've ruined the fucking cake" you're saying to yourself as your gorgeous batter has turned into a runny mess, sloshing around your bowl, making a GD mess. NOPE! Trust me.
Wipe your tears and pour your brown-watery-shit into whatever pan you decided on (hope you greased it by now). Now, test your cooking skills, it's gonna be about 20min for a shallow, jelly-pan, or up to 45min for a deeper, springform pan. Weren't you paying attention? Deeper=Longer (don't tell my wife)
Yank that shit when a toothpick comes out clean and let that bitch cool while you move on to the icing:
Now, if you're a GD psycho that isn't a big fan of icing (Brandi), half the ingredients, but if you love America, make it as listed.
With whisk attachment on mixer (or your stupid regular beaters on your hand mixer) Start with butter & cocoa, add vanilla, then slowly add your powdered sugar & milk, back & forth between the two until all in there, mix the fuck out of it until it's light & fluffy.
Throw it in the fridge, the cake isn't cooled enough.
If you need to know what to do now, I can't help you. You've got the stupid.
Comments