Holy shit, the best damned dessert I've made, but brace yourself. It makes a fucking mess of the kitchen, every bowl you didn't know you had, more eggs & butter than you're comfortable buying. . . but shit it's worth it
Playlist: Doesn't matter, gonna be a lotta songs
Because the cake kinda gets overshadowed by the moose, I'll allow you to not make my chocky cake, you can get away with some boxed shit this time. I'd recommend Devil's Food. I generally use that tramp, Betty's or her boy-toy Duncan.
Ingredients: Cake
Go here and make mine, or Read the damned box, asshat
Ingredients: Dark Mousse, Light Mousse, Shell & Whipped cream (Yes. You have to make it all)
Now this is ALL the ingredients you'll need, I'll break it down each step what you'll need.
The cake you picked
26oz bittersweet chocolate (chopped) I use Ghirardelli 60%. Be like me, I know what I’m doing. Three & a half bars of that shit
14 Tbsp butter, unsalted if ya got it, if not, it's all good (soo much butta)
1/4 cup strong coffee (so. . . like all coffee should be, espresso would be better. Drink the rest. Never waste coffee)
10 eggs, separated (that means separate the egg from the yolk)
1 1/2 cups. . . plus 7 tablespoons sugar
1 tsp vanilla (the good shit)
1/2 tsp salt
4 1/4 cups heavy cream, right out of the fridge cold
5 Tbsp corn syrup, light
Go on & whip out the cooking spray with flour in it, line your cake pan, regardless of which cake you're making with that
Some water, & ice
Okay, I'm emotionally and financially prepared to fuck my kitchen up, how do I get started?
First off. . . you're wrong. It gonna be ugly. But it's worth it, trust the strange angry man on the internet. . .
Pick a cake, the good one, or one of the boxed bastards. Go on & bake it in a large (13x9 at least) and deep pan and let it cool. I suggest using one of those disposable pans, because you can get 'em real deep. This is a TALL cake. Don't fuck this up by using a shallow pan.
You'll want to cut the cake in half depth wise, (use one of these bitches, make's your life so much easier) put the prettier half back in the pan, and ball the rest up into about 12 balls & put on top of it. Throw that bitch in the freezer while you move onto the mousse.
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Make the dark mousse!
14 oz bittersweet chocolate (3 1/2 bars, chopped)
12 Tbsp butter
1/4 c strong coffee or espresso
1/4 water
10 egg yolks. . . only yolks
The egg whites. . . separate from yolks
1 1/2 cup
2 tablespoons sugar (in addition to above)
1 tsp vanilla extract
1/2 tsp salt
Heat the chocolate, butter, coffee and 1/4 cup water in a heatproof bowl set over a saucepan of simmering water (do not let the bowl touch the water, I put a cookie-cooling-rack on top of a frying pan filled with water), stirring constantly until melted. Remove the bowl from the pan; make someone you don’t like stir until cool (the concoction, not them, they will never be cool, you need to move onto the next step). Reserve the simmering water, you ain't done yet. Fill another large bowl with ice water. Hope you have a lot of bowls! You’re gonna have a LOT of dishes to do!
Whisk the egg yolks, as gay as possible, with 1 1/2 cups sugar and 2 tablespoons water in a separate large heatproof bowl. Set the bowl over the saucepan of simmering water and whisk until pale yellow, 6 to 8 minutes. Don't stop stirring. Add the chocolate-coffee mixture and the vanilla and whisk until combined, about 2 minutes. Add vanilla and remove the bowl from the pan and set that bowl of shit into the bowl of ice water; make that other person whisk u
ntil slightly cool but not thick, about 4 minutes. It gets thick, you’re screwed, don’t blame me. I told you what to do, your ass didn’t listen.
Beat the egg whites like a misbehaved child and
salt in a bowl with a mixer until foamy. Add 2 tablespoons sugar and beat until almost stiff, the mixture, not you; gently fold into the chocolate-yolk mixture to make a dark chocolate mousse. Spread 5 cups over the cake and cake balls. Freeze until firm on top, about 30 minutes, or overnight because you’ve been drinking and passout
Oh shit. . . we ain't done
Pinch of salt
2 cup heavy cream, cold
4 Tbsp. sugar
Beat the heavy cream and the remaining 4 tablespoons sugar & pinch of salt until soft peaks form; fold into the remaining mousse. Remove the cake from the freezer; spread with the light chocolate mousse, cover with plastic wrap (if pan is deep enough, don’t let it touch the wrap) and freeze until firm, at least 6 hours or overnight (now you can pass out)
Saucy time
12 oz bittersweet chocolate (chopped)
3/4 c heavy cream
5 Tbsp corn syrup, light
2 Tbsp butter, unsalted (so much butter!)
Stir the remaining chocolate, heavy cream and 4 tablespoons corn syrup in a heatproof bowl set over a saucepan of simmering water (do not let the bowl touch the water) until melted. Slowly drizzle, spreading half of the shell mixture over the frozen mousse. Return cake to the freezer, put your bowl of sauce in the fridge.
When ready to serve!
If you want fresh whipped cream (and you do) throw 2 cups heavy cream in mixer on high, add 4 tablespoons sugar and beat until stiff peaks.
Make the chocolate sauce: Add the remaining 1 tablespoon corn syrup and a little butter (about a tablespoon or two) to the remaining chocolate shell mixture. Microwave 30 seconds, then stir until glossy. Drizzle over cake/whipped cream.
Bask in the glory of everyone raving over the cake.
But go do dishes. Seriously, it looks awful.
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